I can't force myself to stop loving you.

To be in love is merely to be in a state of perceptual anesthesia. I don't know why they call it heartbreak, my whole body is borken too. It takes away your PROPER insanity. I think my attempt on writing another post is gonna be a failure. It's not like anyone's reading pun. Last few days has been so horrible. Horibble that i actually puked a few times. I didn't even eat but i deffinetly slept, A LOT. I'm tired of staying up for no reason anymore, for the obvious reasons - talking to someone who I barely knew. Sigh. My vision's getting worst, and my eyes are swallen. I meant it about my vision, i can't focus. I need my glasses 24/7. It was alright before but when i think too much, i can't see shit. I don't know why i'm so upset ? It's not like he was mine to began with anyway ? right ? No. Argh fuck you. You're not helping me. ): Yes you. ( mind me, i'm talking to myself ) All you think about is him him him ? What about yourself ? Have you ever considered about your feelings? No. Aren't you hurt at all ? Yes. WELL OF COURSE YOU ARE. So stop being an emo cow. Move on. Big deal ? It's 2010 for God's sake. Move the fucking on. Shit i'm going insane. I don't fucking trust boys anymore. No actually, i've said this a couple of times before but NO gatai merela. Lol. Try repeating merela like 20 times, it wont make sense in your head. Seriously it wont. What's happening to me? :( Days of useless crying and almost feeling dead. And for what? For someone who threw away your trust ? Despite of what he did, I still love him. I put so much faith in you, but you threw it away.

I'm not excited to come home, I don't even care if I don't. No I do la, a bit. I miss Penang. I never regreted loving you, and I will continue doing so as long as I can. I'm born an idiot, so ? Is it my fault that I happen to forgive someone so easily ? Yes. I'm not asking you, sharrap. Argggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh. Serabut sial. Help. Me.

Don't drink, Don't drink, Don't drink, Don't drink, Don't drink, Don't drink.

You were everything that I wanted, everything that was so wrong but so right for me.

Ah screw me. Who cares if I even die ? don't say you do. Please don't. Cause from now on, I know you don't mean it. But I'm still a cow to love you. FUCK SAKE.